The Wait...

The wait is excruciating.

I never imagined we would be 9 months into it and have no clue when we would be getting our referral from China. I have good days and bad as do most waiting parents. For some reason right now it is very difficult. We thought that Mia would be here for Christmas this year and now it feels like we would be lucky if she is here next year. Hopefully that is being pessimistic, but honestly we have no clue. I think about her all the time, I have been spending time redecorating a room for the girls, Payton has spend almost the first year of her life in a boy bedroom. Well it's pink now and it's very girly. I thought that we would need to get Payton settled into the room and then make a switch to a bed before Mia gets here. Payton can be very strong willed, who am I kidding Payton IS strong willed. I am a little worried that she won't want to give up her crib if we wait until Mia gets here so we will be ready in advance. Lord knows we have enough time. We are going to be talking to Santa about a bunk bed set that we saw, it would be perfect for their room. I will post pictures of the room when it is done.

I thought that taking the time to do this would occupy my mind and make it easier, the truth is it is getting harder. It seems like she is always on my mind because I am working on the bedroom that will be hers and Payton's. Last Friday China celebrated the Mid Autumn festival (Moon Festival). October 6 was the time the moon was at it's largest. We looked at it Thursday and Friday night, my thoughts were all of Mia and her birthmother. What was she thinking, this is a day for family reunion in China. Does she know that there is a family right here waiting, longing for this beautiful baby girl? Does she know how loved she already is. The love we feel for this child we don't even know is amazing. It makes me so sad to think that as I sit loving her so much she could be laying in a crib in an Orphanage crying for someone to hold her or rock her. Is she cold, is she hungry does she just want to hear a loving voice...The closer we get the further away the light at the end of the tunnel seems to get.