Why is it so hard to let them go? It's not like he is my first child or my last but the first day of preschool was terrible. I wanted so badly to stay with him and just watch as he took it all in but I had other obligations and was unable to stay. Maybe that is why it was so difficult, I felt like I was robbed of something and it hurt. I watched as Colton went into the classroom happy as could be and I tried, man did I try to hold back the tears but nothing worked. I stayed long enough to make sure he was ok and hooked up with his tutor and then I had to go. I cried the entire way home, I am sure the kids wondered what the heck was wrong with me. I put on some kid music and pulled over to call Chad. I know it was hard when Wyatt went but he was so ready and it was so exciting for both of us and when Jaxon went I was a little nervous but still I knew that he was ready. With Colton it was something different, I was really excited for him but sad for myself. I was missing the time that I have with him every day and the love that he shows me. Maybe I am a little worried that he will become more independent and not want me as much anymore once he realized there is more the life then Mommy. I can't say for sure... Chad convinced me to go home calm down play with the kids for a little bit and then go back to the school and watch for a few minutes. That made it much easier, it was nice to see him involved and happy. His preschool teacher promised me she would not break his spirit, not that she could but it was nice to hear! Colton had a great day, the next day on the way to school he told me "mom you don't have to be sad, everything will be ok" I thought I covered pretty good on the first day, I guess I was wrong! And just think I have 3 more to go, how will I ever make it?
1 comment:
Jessica,
I SOOOOO know how you are feeling! We did Paige's room last December thinking that of course she'd be home no later than Easter. Little did I know that I'd be looking at that room and dusting it weekly for almost another whole year. Some days when I just couldn't take it I would just close the doot! I think it was better that I didn't know! I'm sure you are tired of hearing that Mia just isn't ready - it's true but that really doesn't make it any easier! All I can say is hang in there. What choice do you have - right? I prayed continually through our wait that we would only get the baby God intended for our family. Somehow that sustained me through the worst days knowing that if I got my way then it wouldn't be the right baby. Your time WILL come and each day you are a little closer! Give me a call any time if you just want to talk!
Coco
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